It’s been a while I know, but like I keep saying – I’m busy – so get off my back.

I’ve been hanging out with these guys lately… and they’re an exciting bunch of dudes, let me tell you. They’re all sleepy but bitey… it’s a good way to be!

I must admit that I have thoroughly enjoyed the often enlightened discourse my last post created. I was secretly waiting it out to see if I could tap out at 20 responses to my humble critique of a skateboarding show that ran at the same pace as Wayne and Garth’s contribution to public access television.

I’m sorry if you didn’t like it. And lets be honest – not many of you did. Some of you got so angry you forgot how to spell! I’m a real stickler for grammar, and so I was amazed that my post could lead to so many fundamental spelling errors.

Case study…

1.Hey duD3 SK8 2 death is a mad show man lay off it you ignorant bastard.. Every episode is awesome az my cousin will hine iz AllWAys in it hes a mad sk8a from dandy wayz. Do you even sk8 you sound like some old bowl guy that trys to skate but is shit az. You need to take a chill pill bro. They allways have da sickest music on da show what do you listen to emo of sumthing.. Eat a cock fag if you get on that show you gotta be like a mad cunt sk8a pro like my cousin will. Your just jealous.

skate 2 death fan

04 / 04 / 16:28

Discuss…

Anyway, I’m not interested in appeasing those who didn’t like my last post, Chamberlin tried to appease Hitler in the 1930’s… and look how that turned out!

However, enough of this sparkling reminiscence, I feel like telling you about something I love. Skatepark Graffiti.

How good is turning up at the park for a sesh and finding a decorative, spray can motif of a marijuana leaf emblazoned across the flat bank? What’s even better is when the artist has taken the time to provide a definition of his work….

i.e. “SMOKE BONGS 08!”

Its like you’re walking through an art gallery and you have to read the little placard next to the masterpiece…. ‘Oohhh, so that’s what the artist meant!’

There are some amazing examples of outsider art out there, almost too many to mention.

‘No rollerblading’

‘Call this number for hot sex’ (insert some poor sucker’s mobile number here)

‘Steve SoandSo is a low dog’ (a particular personal favourite – so emotive!)

‘‘No BMXer aloud’ (I seriously saw this once, I nearly went to the store to buy a red spray can to correct the spelling errors, like I said, I’m a stickler for grammar)

‘Don’t wax the coping!!’

‘Launch here!’ (Usually with an arrow pointing up the tranny, ‘cos BMXers are apparently that stupid)

…. And lets not forget the tried and true…. Cock and balls.

One of my favourites of all time however, can be found everywhere. Get down to the nearest vert ramp, or crazy deep bowl and you will find a line sprayed across the transition right where it hits vert, and I can guarantee it will say….

‘If you cant pump past here, you’re a pussy’

There are a bunch of other words that can be tacked onto the end of that statement, but most of them aren’t very cool. But this is where I get to the point of all of this ‘drivel’ (my apologies again ‘Big Brother’).

Back in the day in Mornington, there was a Vert ramp in the parkland close to where the concrete parks now sits. It was the ‘Dunns road ramp’. And for my group of young tykes with single kick boards, it was scary as shit. All the older guys could drop in and actually skate it, but for the most part, all we could do was pump up and down, maybe with a frontside kickturn to add a little flair.

Somewhere near the vert line at Dunns road, some junior Donatello had sprayed…

If you cant pump past here – you’re Gary Sleet’.

I went to high school with that particular dude. He wasn’t your typical high school pariah. He wasn’t annoying like a class clown failure, or the object of incessant beat downs and bullying. He was, in actual fact a really big dude, and a little weird looking. Imagine Lurch and The Hunchback of Notre Dame had a love child…. Getting it? Nevertheless, I always tried to pump past that point, just in case I might become Gary Sleet.

I always wondered what it was like to be Gary. He was huge, and like I said, kind of weird looking. Everyone was a little weary of him, he didn’t say much, if anything at all, he just kind of lumbered around the school yard by himself. I don’t think he meant to be anti-social, he just hadn’t figured that particular part of life out at that particular point. But he always made me think of those oddball Lithuanian centres who somehow make it into the NBA; all hairy and unpredictable.

It was not like anyone could pick on Gary directly, because he could take your head off with his bear claw if the moment demanded it. He was one of those dudes that everyone snickered about, but kept silent the second he walked past. I guess it was the fear of the unknown that drove everyone to write him off.

I don’t know if he ever saw that crappy graffiti scrawled across the vert at Dunns road. And if he did, I guess he might have been bummed out. The ramp has gone now anyway. Or maybe, he was stoked on the idea that he could inspire so much fear in people without really doing anything.

Some numbskull with a can stolen from Dad’s garage wrote that on the ramp, next to the Impressionist bongs, cock and balls and rat bones. But he managed to push a whole bunch of kids to get past that point on the ramp, and I think a few of us even did it once or twice.

What I’m trying to say skatepark graffiti is a powerful medium. So next time you’re thinking of spraying ‘Smoke crack’ or ‘Graff is sick’ or even ‘Vote Liberal!’ ….

….. Be careful what you wish for..