127 Hours got a lot of its sports sequences right because it didn’t try and treat them as ‘extreme’ – there was none of the cliché catch phrases, metal music or other cringe-inducing elements Hollywood loves to throw into any sequence that hints at a surf, skate or snowboard. But that got me thinking about some of the most unique examples that Hollywood has produced – you have to remember that, for skating and snowboarding at least, the sports are less than 40 years old and didn’t reach any kind of prominence till the 80’s – when they did gain some notice, the studios took to them as the symbol of rebellious youth producing hilarious results. Check out five of my favorites below.
FIRE, ICE AND DYNAMITE – 1990
There is only one place to start this list. This product placement and advertising bonanza features none other than Roger Moore (who looks oddly like Joe Pesci on the cover) and Astronaut, Buzz Aldrin. The voice-over tell us that this film features “some of the most spectacular sports action ever filmed!” Maybe, but if you’ve ever watched this, you’ll know that the convoluted plot line and bizarre editing makes the story line a challenge to follow. That doesn’t matter though cause the fluro-hurl happening to some amazing synth is enough to suspend reality for the 106 minute run time.
FROZEN – 2010
Okay, this scenario does actually happen (with surprising regularity) but this was still one of the most amusing recent Hollywood fails. Basically a group of kids (played by no-one-you’ve-heard-of) stuck on a ski lift not too far off the ground over night. What should be terror, but is instead hilarity, ensues. My guess is that Aaron Ralston, on which 127 Hours is based, would have viewed this situation as a minor inconvenience, akin to finding there’s no milk in the fridge. He could have been off the chair and in the pub before the lifties had finished switching off the lights.
SNOWBOARD ACADEMY – 1996
I haven’t seen this one and I don’t think I could watch it anyway but it is billed as a wacky comedy about snowboarding. A sport which is apparently ‘new, it’s happening, it’s hot, it’s fresh’. It starred Corey Haim among others and used the tag line ‘A crash course in comedy’. I think it was just a crash.
GLEAMING THE CUBE – 1989
“When getting even means risking it all” – Christian Slater saving America from Communism (or something) through skateboarding. Amazing, incredible and made Slater a hero. As a kid, I went looking for bad guys selling weapons to the Vietnamese so I could mongo-push the world to safety, but all I found was the little old Chinese lady at the corner store doing her washing in the back room. The film had some very notable pros in the line up (as mentioned in my post back here) – Tony Hawk, Rodney Mullen and others.
BMX BANDITS – 1983
Launching Nicole Kidman’s career was the action packed flick about a group of kids that get tangled up with some bank robbers after they find some walkie talkies – which in my experience would mean that the film should have started with them in direct line of site of the bad guys and still struggling to hear what was being said over the static. Still, they save the day armed with nothing but flour bombs and some rainbow colored elbow pads (I had the same ones!).
